Weekend Preview (08/02/2020) – A guide to Oxf*rd

We’re still trying to work out YIDB. Current thinking is “Yes, I despise beer”, but suggestions welcome!

After a week off from writing the weekend preview, a cracking effort fellas (& Frankie), I’ve found myself back in the hot seat. And crikey, aren’t things heating up; I’m sweating like an Oxf*rd left-back on the ball. In the last week, the annual PPRC competition (FreshYI: Profile Picture React Count) has gotten firmly underway, the Wblues got a huge win on an even more huge away day and the Nomads went one better than the 1dies Wans versus Trent 2s. But “Don’t Panic”, there’s still 227 hours until the Blundies kick us off at Iffy road (#10days, Fun Fact: 10 per cent of the world is left-handed). Plenty of time for some reconnaissance…

Because here at CUHC media, we want to prepare you as best as possible for BDotY and Blues varsity, we kick off our preparations with a guide to a city on the other side of Milton Keynes, famed for its’ polytechnic institution. Here’s all you would want to know:

According to ancient folklore, ladies from *UHC don’t need a megaphone when we rock up. All other records lost…

The Famous Oxf*rd Poly

The Oxf*rd poly is a collegiate institute famed for its research into how to get through life offering nothing. It is the oldest educational institute in the English-speaking world. The institute grew in 1167 when Henry II banned English students from attending the University of Paris. In a pure state of panic, the students decided their only option was to go and join the famous Oxf*rd poly, and the tradition of panicking has continued ever since.

Thankfully, in 1209, after hearing the good Pope’s thoughts about the students, the local townsfolk decided to try and drive the famous Oxf*rd poly out of town [1]. Attacking with good shape and well-defined angles, the town folk were unsuccessful, but the name for their tactics, “polygon”, remains to this day. Members of polite society did not wish to disturb the townsfolk, and so, politely disembarked and set up camp in Cambridge. Free from all those still panicking in Oxf*rd, they gradually built a world-class public research university with 120 Nobel Laureates (48 more than the famous oxf*rd poly) and a high-quality hockey club (1 more than the famous oxf*rd poly).

[1] This is why Iffy road (see below) is found in the middle of nowhere.

A famous shandying hole for *UHC

Bodleian Library & the Radcliffe Camera

Two very famous libraries. It does explain why they’re quiet and boring. I’m told the comic book section is always the busiest bit, which is why the Wanderer’s will be safeguarding Jefe throughout their stay. We would like to inform tourists that Jefe is busy and although we acknowledge he’s the is the largest land-dwelling species of the family Mustelidae, he will not be available for photographs.

Iffy Road

A trampoline park (Copyright: E Spainis), a good 2 hours by car outside of Cambridge. Not a lot there, so bring everything you need including Noise and warm clothing (or suitable alternatives)…

Iffy Road: Home of *UHC (logo above).

A true gentleman by all accounts called Roger famously ran under 4 minutes there. A world record at the time without these new silly shoes. I find it more incredible the more I read about it, so I’m not going to try and spin this one. Go read the plaque, appreciate it.

Jamal’s

The Indian Curry House of Jamal’s is a poor man’s Curry king. Due to the low demand for real estate in Oxf*rd, Jamal’s is a spacious ground floor establishment where the ‘students’ host ‘crew dates’. I don’t go on dates very often and I certainly don’t row, so I’m not sure what entail. I can’t imagine they’re much fun though since rowers don’t have any chat and get outrageously drunk of half a pint of lime soda.

Despie our infr*quent trips, we’ve left our mark.

Anyway should the usual plan be followed, we’re planning to have a swap there. You’ll be pleased to know that because no one likes fun on the other side of Milton Keynes, you get, and have a chance to eat, your food. Even off a plate!

Vinnies

Don’t know, never been. You probably won’t go unless your best mates with the president. From google, it sounds like a toxic Hawks. I’d stick to the high life in Euro bar.

EuroBar

Speak to anyone who attended the four from five, and they’ll tell you that this place is magical. Not only can you see Pirates dancing inexplicably to cheesy music, but there’s a Worcester special nearby… Ask Baz for more info.

The Four Candles

Following 2 years ago, fresher’s wilby glad to hear that they no longer serve sharks. Sadly, it’s too late for our beloved president. It’s the big spoons in Oxf*rd, but it hasn’t got a Dfloor and it’s difficult to hold the forks.

X5

I’m not gonna lie, I really hope no one gets to see this. It’s not pretty… The last victim was one of the many Niels. He’s unsurprisingly still knocking around somewhere on a pair of skis if you want to find out more.

Sorry Niels, still waiting for someone else…

 Keep learning those Hymns. You all know where to find them… #GDBO #IJCSO #BringTheNoise

Sorry, I forgot. Should probably mention the hockey this weekend:

TeamOppositionVenueTimeForm
MbluesEast London 1sA13:00WLW
WbluesNorwich City 1sH12:30LWD
WandiesHavering 1sA13:00WWW
NomadsNorwich Dragons 1sA13:00LLD
SquandiesEly City 1sH11:00WLW
BedsBourne Deeping 1sA14:00LWW

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