Last Weekend

Mblues vs. IES (W 6-1)

In a rather uneventful week which saw the Mens Blues kick off their BUCS campaign and some poor bloke getting burnt whilst everyone oos and ahhs at some bright explosions in the sky (very strange cult like ritual if you ask me), there were a few incredulous stand out happenings worth mentioning in this here match report.

A certain ‘chap who has some non-friends on tall mountains’, despite being named on the team sheet, was not present on the coach to the biggest away day for the mens blues this season, until they go to the same place again and then further on another occasion and then less further on another occasion after that.

In his place was his name sake, ‘chap who has some non-friends on tall mountains’ v2 who put in a very respectable performance in aiding the side to a 3-3 draw against a side who threatened and have beaten a certain Oxf*rd side in the BUCS league already this season. A cynical foul by Oily Fatlips lead to his first card of the season – first of many from what i’ve seen, terrible challenge!!.

On the coach on the way back occurred 2 of the aforementioned incredulous stand out happenings:

Number 1 being the lack of visit to the McDonalds that was quite literally a stones throw from the pitch?!?! Shaptain Steve Tyler refused to comment on this debacle.

Number 2 being anonymous Hugh(e) Jack(ed)man’s ability to complete an essay on what can only be described as an incredibly loose boozy bus with many a triv question being answered.

Number 3 on the list was the outstanding time we made on the return journey, weaving in out of traffic on a jammed motorway. The driver was later spotted “killing it” on the dfloor of cindois. I was absent for the rest of the week until the game on Saturday having a lovely time so am unable to comment on any events that may have occurred though I hear there may be a few call ups to the England side from the mblues after their loss to the James MBE in the final. Nothing much to say about Saturdays game other than that they had a donkey in almost every position across the pitch.

Mom: not sure
Dod: Me

P.s. will someone please dethrone Obi Wang Kenobi at the top of the fantasy league he’s WAY to happy with himself!!

Wblues vs. Bedford (W 2-1)

Hey, I forgot the speaker so gonna sing the match report…

*Dua Lipa – New Rules* (play this song when you read it – plz I wasted my life)

[Intro]

dod, dod, dod, dod, dod

[Verse 1]

Textin’ in her sleep at night, Bethan is not healthy

(she cannot drive, she cannot drive)

Was too sick to play hockey, hopin’ for a Wandie

(To drive us there, to drive us there)

[Refrain]

Ohhh nooooo, looks like we are one car seat short, 

One car seat short

Butttt Livvv Dadgeeee, takes one for the team and takes the X5, 

And takes the X5

[Pre-Chorus]

OneMolly scores a goal

You know she’s never missin’ cause she’s super skilled

TwoAmy scores this time

Yes we got another one

Three: They score this time

We know we’re gonna win this hockey match ver-

sus Bedford

Please don’t worry now, we ain’t lettin’ any more

[Chorus]

We got sick skillz, we gon’ win

We got sick skillz, we did win

We gotta go have a cool down

We got sick skillz, we did win

We gotta go have a shower

[Verse 2] 

First we eatin’ match teas, beans cheese and baked potatoessss

(Not spuds again, no way)

(Not spuds again, no)

Now we doin’ DOD and MOM, Jess Czink wins but I mess up now

(I never learn, I never learn)

[Refrain]

But I’m nottttt, the most stupid one, so I tell myself,

I tell myself

I do, I do, I do

[Pre-Chorus]

OneMurphy should be dod

You know she be wearin’ a towel on her head

Two: Why not Amy

She ran the car battery down

Three: ok that’s mean

We know that zipcar just suck and had to reset the key

So if you voted for me, yeah fair but more sauce needed